ello,my name is joshua.i carry an ectoplasmic look during class,my friends call it dao-ness.it's actually called a face.if ur grades sux,then we have alot in common. school:tampenis put on diapers at 2/3/1994 wants: a miracle to happen.good grades(who am kidding)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

whatthefuck is up with this blog, i cant leave paragraphs la!



kay so here's what happened. woke up at 4am to send my grandmother to the airport, the got back at 6 plus, slept till 11 plus and went out at 2 plus to go shopping with xun nian. checked out levis jeans and some shirts. walked like crazy around the city area. had lunch at somerset and bought a bag at...somewhere in the city idk where. followed xun nian to buy his A-jay earpiece which cost 70,at stereo at plaza SG. went home and bitched and cried about it cus i spent a whole day doing what girls do.

you know, i really hate it when people bitch and cry(literally) about the most trivial,insignificant, and mundane things. things like, my mom wont let me go out with my friends,or my life sucks cos my audition couple broke up with me,or "omfg i put on like 2 kg!", or not having enough money to buy overpriced clothing, or bitching all the time about their love life (which happens all the time), because somewhere out there, there's people wondering when their next meal is gonna be, there's people clutching the hands of their loved ones in the hospital ICU listening to the monotonous beep of the apnea moniter,there's people dying while we go"ohmygod im so fat!"

the worst is prolly still when people get all fucked up about their love life and relationships. when they go all "if love is stupid, then i stupid you" or "the hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love, love someone else". all that sappy love shit quotes that people can frickin google really gets to me. love quotes are fine, those emo unrequited love shit is not. It’s a really sad thing when people think that there are more important people other then themselves. other people are journeying through different lives, it just so happened that their's crossed paths with yours. Sometimes when people hurt you, they don’t really care, so why should you? There’s hardly anyone worth your tears.So get your head out of your ass and quit being such a pussy idiot.

people should get angry less often, because when they do, they are only punishing themselves for someone else’s mistakes. But right now I cant help it.

hate it when im pissed when im blogging, makes me rant on and on and I cant think of what I wanted to say before. That’s all for now, just gonna continue being pissed.

PS: people should stop hating on hypocrites, because everyone is a hypocrite. That’s cause we fail to completely put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. Even me, but at least I realise it.



head brimming with thoughts and heart overflowing with emotions. thats the first step to taking drugs and smoking. damrightimstillpissed.







i've finally found closure, yeah im done.



"she's starin at me
i'm sittin wondern' what she's thinkin'
nobody's talkin; cuse talkin' just turns into screamin'
and now it's im yellin' over her,she yellin' over me
all that means is neither of us is listenin'

so both of us are mad for
nothin'
fightnin' for
nothin'
cryin' for
nothin'
bout we wont let it go for
nothin'."

im alone at home on this lazy weekday, cus i dont remember what day it is today, having lost track of time.

siting on the leather swivel chair in my study room rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth till my head spins round. baby right round like a record baby right round,round round. you spin me right rou.... k nevermind.

i might've said this bfore, or something to this connotation, but time passes by us way too quickly. or maybe im the only one that feels that way. i think my life is from the perception a car's rear view mirror. always looking back and that's what makes things seem to pass me by so fast.
cus when your constantly looking back, all you see is the distance you've covered, and it just keeps getting more and more.
the only period when time came to a standstill for me was when i looked at my o'level cert, and when i saw that really hot chick from my dreams. thats about it.

The only time we should look back,is to learn from our mistakes and to cherish our memories, i do it waaaay to often. sitting with my friends lethargically on the steps of stairs,chilling with them at starbucks while having white mocha, or now, sitting alone at home on my leather swivel chair. god,someone needs to break my rear view mirror.

ah crap, i need to stop talking.

PS:girl politics is always so interesting




damn, my legs are aching from all the walking. somehow it seems that whenever women see any shopping oppurtunities, they switch into this deranged shopping frenzy mode,immune to factors that stop them from shopping. Basically they turn into a raging she-hulk. that would be my mom. i can cycle to sentosa from pasir ris for goodness sake, and she can walk more then me. fucking madness.

my holiday in kualar lumpur thus far has been spectecular. i've been horking down durians,charbroiled ribeye's,dim sums,bah gua's,chilli crabs,pepper crabs, and a whole lot of stuff that makes u feel good when eating, but makes u want to kill urself out of guilt after.

im staying in hotel vistana, this neat place with decent prices, proximate of the monorail here, so occasionally i can hear the somewhat soothing indistinct rumble of the arterial monorail carrying commuters to and fro their busy lives. makes me wonder what im doing with my life. Incidentally, what AM i doing with my life?

i have not an iota of clue. well,aside from almost screwing up my o'levels,getting into a prolly dreary polytechnic course decided by my parents, and not attained a girlfriend for the whole 17 years of my life. mmm...

ho hum..

should i do anything with my life? its alot easier to do the opposite. What CAN i do with my life? uh...do well in business course, become a rich man, donate to the poor and help minimise(yeah u cant stop it) global warming? thats the most meaningful thing i can come up with.

im dead tired now, 1:45 here in KL. goodnight peoples.

it sucks that we dont have a "right click,delete" button for our memories.
over and out.

Labels: remember to forget

morning woke up,bought ingrediants with debbie at ws. she...messed up her cake. big time. i rocked mine. even bigger time. but was fun lol. ah well, first time of many others. then met up with jinson,tan,weesiang,mark and gang at sakura,tamp safra. ate alot. celebrated jinsons birthday ( HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! ) played pool, went to jinsons house at 12:01 to give him his present and headed home. bathed and lying on my bed blogging. what a day.

i cant think of anything at all to blog about, honestly. so here's to a certain troubled soul. call it comfort food for the dejected if you will.

change. its not part of nature. it IS nature, friends change people change. yeah..so what?

"even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we know that when the tears fall and the smile spreads across our face,we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point that we're not still friends."

good friends, u can throw away and they still come back to you.
true friends, u cant throw away in the first place.

so if anything needs to change, its turning the frown upside downn.

here's to jinson, mah brudder from anudder muddder!

you prolly dont read my blog anw, but wadever.

if your're feeling high or feeling down,
you know we'll always be around,
whichever direction life spins us off to,
these five familiar faces will be supporting you,
we'll be your aegis,
we'll be your armour,
cus thats just what we do,
and yeah,you got your sister too,
we're your brother,
from another mother,
so nobody better fuck with you.
(or they'll have this chinese nigga to contend with)

thats the shit.

anw,happy birthday bro. heh, hope you have a nice one :)

over and out,
j*****s****c***

Labels: its the little imperfections that make ur life perfect.

so jinson and i went cycling today, rained like fuck so we stopped at laguna and ate. alot. well i admittedly did most of the eating. gonna get the dumb bells from jinson tmrw, tyjy. continued cycling to the end of of east coast, jinsons antique looking bicycle's pedal came off, so i was assigned the cumbersome task of pushing him back to his aunts house, single handedly. lite-fucking-rally. homed after that,reached about 7 plus 8. ate dinner, played resident evil on ps3 and now blogging. at......1:13.

while eating at laguna,jinson said that felt like deja vu. so i've decided to touch on that topic alittle.

deja vu, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, refers to that feeling of extreme familiarity, at any event. this is an unexplainable phenomenon, which makes me feel like pulling my hair out even more, whenever this shit happens. deja vu is french for" already visited". obviously u can make the connection. i've tried finding out all possible reasons at to why deja vu occurs, all of which are ambiguous. its just freaking annoying whenever it happens because i know that it could'nt possibly have happened before, so why the sense of familiarity? if theres one experience i dont mind having deja vu of, its seeing the chick from my dream. seriously, who the hell is she.
geez...hope i see her tonight.

do not believe in fate. there's no such thing. If fate existed,
then everything would be preordained,
just waiting to happen,
and if u know that something is meant to happen,
then theres no need for hope,
if there's no need for hope,
there's no need for faith,
if there's no faith,
there's no religion,
if there's no religion,
there's no god,
if there's no god,
there's no me,
no me,
you wouldnt be reading this.

Nothing is "meant" to happen. u make it happen,its ur life, u make it happen.

Whats the meaning of life? the purpose of life? philosophers, theologists and scholars have cracked their head over this. well i think those dumb fucks have wasted more than half their life trying to figure out why they live.

im a 17 year old,with only a o'level cert,pursuing a diploma, and i can tell you whats the purpose of life.

the purpose of life is to live it with a purpose.

THE MEANING OF LIFE?
whatever you want it to be.

you can google this, but i guess confucious was too busy searching for the meaning of life to turn on the computer.

PS: dont compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

goodnight people, over and fucking out.

Labels: waiting for that miracle

its one thirty five in the morning now, and before i sleep, this post is dedicated to HER. yes most of you must be wondering who this interesting female compadre is, one who has so enthralled me and gotten me up at 1.35 blogging about her. well now, interestingly enough, the identity of this captivating female is anonymous even to me. i saw her in a dream, and im pretty fucking sure this shit has never happened before. and i can swear i've never taken fag,dope or any other kinda shit that induces a high. But she is probably the most beautiful person, i have ever seen. well, second most, the first is this chick i saw at the library, but i dint get a closer look so im not so sure. digressions aside, this chick i saw in my dream is beautiful. so much so that using profanities in this post seem almost harsh enough to tarnish the perfect image i have of her.

Heres how the dream went:

The dream started with me bent over, lifting some heavy cartons, the strain on my arched back causing me to grunt. Beads of pespiration tricked playfully down my temples and sides, i wiped them away with my rough chapped hands,realising how weather beaten i was. All this took place alongside what appeared to be the stony pavements beside a huge canal in paris(or so it seemed),the kind often connected by those arched stone bridges which somehow or rather brings about a medieval feeling. The streets were illuminated by the streets lamps casting a warm glow of yellow, which surprisingly lacked the eerie effect.

The next thing i know, i am standing in a stony labyrinth of some kind. Im walking along the corrider of those echoey stone walls, lighted by oil lamps. Take note nothing in this dream feels eerie or scary in anyway,its not a freaking nightmare. Im still carrying a carton, although im not sure where to. i walk and theres a room on my right. As i walk past it, thats when i saw her, and in that glorious fleeting moment, i swear time slowed down, exactly like those dramatic moments in the movies when, a soldier of war watches while his partner gets torn apart by shrapnel, or when the matrix dodges a bullet.

Golden-brown hair,slightly permed at the ends fell past her slender shoulders.
She had the finest complexion and the damnest figure.
Her almond eyes,with a glitter of enigma drew me right in, inescapably.
Her lips had the distinct shade of light vermillion, full and pouty.
The shape of her face was perfect in very single way,
as though the greek gods held a conference to chisel the perfect face. and she was the result.
god, she was beautiful.

slowly, the corners of her mouth curved upwards to form sublime and alluring smile. the smile that would put all the evils of pandoras box back inside and make you feel, for that one moment, transcendental. As quickly as it came, that perfect moment disappeared.

My fucking phone rang, and song DJ got us falling in love again dragged me back to the painful chasm of reality. my eyes opened and i sat upright, afraid that i'd probably never see that phantasmal entity again. yes, entity because its beauty exceeds humanity's grasp. When you know you are in a dream but you dont want to wake up, and reality forcefully calls for you,leaving u and your emotions behind. yeah that sucks. never have i remebered a dream so vividly before. meh. fucking phone. LISTEN TO NELLY_ JUST A DREAM because thats exactly how i feel, no more no less.

"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love,
to work,
to play,
to look up at the stars,
and to dream."

goodnight peeps, sweet dreams.

Im typing this post over the booming sound of my grandmother speaking rather voiciferously into the phone, its a wonder why neither my grandmother nor the person at the other end of the line is deaf yet. i cant understand a thing she's saying anyway, 'cept when she says "wueh lor mai!". which according to my dad, means mother fucker. i have tried, albeit in vain, to understand the complex dialect of hainanese. ( i cant count to ten though!) its a nice windy morning, with some dark clouds looming overhead, casting a dim atmosphere in pasir ris but surprisingly elevating my spirits. Idk how we're gonna play badminton later but we'll see how it goes.

you know the one thing i hate about smsing, is that it lowers ur emotional quotient(eq). ppl can hide behind the mask of those 4 inch super amoled touch screens and talk to others with ease, but when they meet up, they can say fucking squat. hinders ur communication abilites if u ask me.

"In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud: Under the bludgeoning of chance my head is bloody,
but unbowed"

fuck the oppresssors. do it your way.







today i went out with jinson and tan go cycling. we...cycled to sentosa. one word. IM-FUCKING-BA. i'd get out of bed now and apply the muscle relieve cream to my legs, but i think i left my legs back in sentosa. got up at 9 plus, jinson and tan woke me up when they came to my house. then cycled to clinic to collect my medication, lost my puch containing my wallet and phone otw back. panicked and retraced my steps, rammed into a woman otw. serves her right, blind bitch stoning in the middle of the pavement.

when u see a cyclist rushing at you with a hint of insanity in his eyes, fucking MOVE. anw, two honest to god bangladeshi workers found my pouch and kept them for me. i will try my best not to ever make fun of bangla workers again. although i wanted to racistly comment that i had a harder time finding them then the pouch, but since they are such kind souls that uphold integrity, i didnt tell them that :)

anyway, i shant bore u with the details of the cycling route. we got to sentosa and proceeded to siloso beach, although the lack of chio bu's dampened my spirits alittle. otw back, tan punctured his bicycle's rear tyre. replaced it at the nearest bike shop,but he got pissed off at the kiam pa kia at the shop. my legs cocked up, so tan went home first , me and jinson went home later. homed, bathed and ate hokkien mee at ws. now here blogging about it.

um..one of the reason y i started blogging again is cus i realised my memory's failing me, cant rmb recent stuffs. and they are too important to forget...so yeah.

kay, boring bit's over. um, while i was at ntuc buying chips and pasion fruit tea, i kinda rmbred a question jinson asked me. which was" who are the three ugliest pple u know?" yeah, i shant mention names but two are from tpss and the last frm my pri school. then it got me thinking, how i treated her(yes,the person's a her) and how i would treat her now.

please read to the end!!!***************

IN PRIMARY SCHOOL: the chinese teacher asked the routine question of who didnt bring the chinese text book in mandarin. A slightly chubby looking kid, fashioning a thick,mushroom looking hairstyle routinely raised up his hands. " quickly share with someone!" she commanded in a harsh, prominant china accent. Time came to a standstill as the young boy gazed around the classroom. There were many available partners to share with, but he picked one that he would come to regret.

cherrie was a relatively short girl, sprouting pimples and severe acne all over her face, causing her to look slightly disfigured. she had uneven teeth and, but quite a cute smile. her figure was smack in the middle of normal (by socially accepted standereds) and plump. she always wore those white socks pulled up so high they made her look like those NFA players. but, she was a nice girl, always getting insulted instead of insulting others. funny thing was, she always seemed cheerful.

The young boy pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. the class began jeering and someone asked, "sit next to her for what?". and thus began the boy's slow descent to unpopularity. all because he sat with an unpopular girl.

IN SECONDARY SCHOOL: "what the fuck!! phoebe so ugly!", commented some of the students of 4e3. "face like bomb lidat" said one particular boy. as he continued rocketing off snide comments, he was suddenly reminded of this one girl from his primary school. "cher...cherry..cheerie.." he thought to himself, but couldnt remember. As he recalled this girl, he fell silent and stopped making fun of the girl called phoebe. He then realised how much he had changed. a tinge of sadness and guilt nibbled away at his conscience.

THE END

sadly folks, in both cases, i am that boy. only today when jinson reminded me of cherrie,did i clearly see the change in myself. he reminded me also of the sad, sad fact that i used to be a nicer person. insulting others who could'nt fit in so that i could. but thinking about it now, i dont regret insulting phoebe, because if not i would'nt have fit in with this perfect group of friends that i have. i just regret that those people out there didnt get a chance to fit in.

so guys, be nice. dont end up like me, this sad soul who ends up half filled with regret( im not THAT regretful) , guilty of being part of the judgemental crowd who didnt give others a chance to fit in, jus so that he could barely squeeze in. i know people change, but arent they suppposed to change for the better? so what the hell is happening.

trying to convince myself otherwise is like trying to convince urself that u werent the one that wet your bed when you were 8, or looking at the hottest girl in school and telling urself,"its just a crush", or telling urself ur not part of the crowd responsible for global warming. one word describes it all. delusional.

Now, i occasionally try to make ammends, maybe i can get closer to redemption, if i actually need any. donating money, trying to be friendlier, accepting different people into your group of friends so u can make their life less miserable.

so i'll end this post with something to chew on. " if u could, would you be the nice kid and be ostracized from everyone else, or the kid with everyone else making fun of those who couldnt fit in." i know it seems easy to say the former option, but reeeeally think about what you'd have to go through."

Labels: cheerio cheery cherrie

hello world. its been about a year i think...since i last blogged. wow, how things have changed. i cannot BELIEVE im here again. the last time i was updating my blog i was still studying for o'levels. now, i've been to innova,appealed to nyp and got in (thank god), made new friends and thrown away old ones. typing here is like....looking at the power ranger toy u havent seen since u were 7 or like finding the sec 1 emaths homework that u were supposed to hand up.

all im saying is that, when u look at two very different point in your lives, the first thing u think about is the change in between. then u look at the guy in the mirror and go," how the hell did i end up here?"

This post is dedicated to my sec school life. well, i've managed to ski past four years of my life, got away with vandalism( put the soldering iron in the computer CPU), stole drinks and wang wang's from the drink stall, do 24 pull ups(fuck yeah), and survived mr hafiz's lessons even managing to sleep without getting caught. yes,what u have just read is prolly the most proudest achievements in my sec school life. quite pathetic i know, but thats me. i'm grateful for the friends that i've made, however temporary, and blessed for those that i still have. if there's one thing i can say after the four years of my secondary school life, it is this. That i wouldnt trade it for anything, and that i wish i could do it again.

okay, so this is about todays outing :) went out with jinson, tan, weeisiang and debbie. met at 3, went to sakae sushi and almost died of sushi overdose. had some good laughs but now i cant rmb what they are about. then went to LAN. l4d2 was epic. i teamed up with debbie and still survived. how crazy is that right? yeah then we walked around t1 and tm...yadda yaddah...bought hi chews...yaddah yada...went to toys r us to relive our childhood memories..yadda yada..went home and blogged about it.

that was the boring bit, heres the interesting bit for you to chew on. lets talk about something meaningful. say..human relationships. no, not that cheesy romantic shit that makes u quesy and whisper "awww",right before your mom slaps u for being a pussy idiot. relationships with people u like and dislike.

the very first thing u need to realise is that, no two persons idealogy or personality are interlinked. when two people have different perceptions, and their ideologies clash, there is bound to be conflict. why do u think we have the cold war, and the cuban missle crisis? ( history and ss much?haha)
anyway, its not the conflicts thats the problem. its how u solve them. either u deal with it by confrontation, which might lead to more conflicts but eventually acceptance,
or you leave. when u leave,its simple, just have these two things with u, ur integrity and ur dignity.

dont ever,ever let others make your choice for you. "i am the master of my fate;the captain of my soul" anyone tell you otherwise,tell them fuck off.

this is for the oppresed and broken hearted. cheer up world :)