ello,my name is joshua.i carry an ectoplasmic look during class,my friends call it dao-ness.it's actually called a face.if ur grades sux,then we have alot in common. school:tampenis put on diapers at 2/3/1994 wants: a miracle to happen.good grades(who am kidding)

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hello people. at this point of time, i am already acclimatised to poly life and have a vague sense of direction around the school, to say the least. aaaaanyway, i've been feeling listless.

i think its because of the whole "what am i supposed to do in life" internal conflict again. but really, what am i supposed to do in life? i give myself another...60 more years. then im dead.

and the thing that's really bugging me is that probably nothing is going to change even after that.

everyone that i know is going to carry on with their lives, probably living off their remaining cpf and watching their grandchildren all grown up. my life is just going to be another walk in the beach, and any remaining traces or footprints of it, washed away by the shore waves. and maybe occasionally i'll get to watch some beautiful sunset pass me by.

im not being "emo" just so you know, which you probably dont. it's just really whats on my mind. it's easier for you to understand if you just think to youself, if anything changes after you're gone. is MacDonald franchise going to close? is koi going to fold? is school going to stop? doubt it.

is someone going to stand on some global podium and tell the world the life you led? tell the world how you met your best friend?
how you and your friends stole from a convenience store?
how you mugged halfheartedly with your friends for o levels?
how you felt when you received your o'level cert?
or how you met the love of your life?

nope, all that disappears with you. there's no permanent legacy, no huge memorial and no change. global warming doesn't stop, neither does the earth's rotation. and probably, your great grandchildren wont know who you are.

i think, i just want to be remembered. i dont want to disappear like everything and everyone else biodegradable. i want to make a change, but i know that's not going to happen.

yeah you might probably read this and scoff at my unconventional train of thoughts, but think about it, u have any idea who your great great grandfather is? does he matter to you? honestly no. you dont know the guy. whatever. that's how your great great grandchildren is going to think.

yea sometimes i wish i didnt have to think so pessimistically and have such a morbid way of thinking but i cant help it. well, dont judge me for it asshole.

well obviously i dont walk around school looking like i want to cry,

but sometimes it's not what i dont feel, it's what i dont show.

geez, nighty night people.

throw out a float and i'll scramble desperately for it,
cus my life jacket aint working anymore